It was actually a little like a porn movie.

First, it must be said that I met him on the slopes.

On the chair lift, to be exact.

Also, I should point out that it wasn’t my most elegant pull; our brief conversation punctuated by not one, but TWO decidedly ungraceful tumbles as I attempted to slide coolly and sexily from the lift. (As if snowboarding wasn’t a bad enough idea in the first bloody place, they then put you on these horrid contraptions from which it is physically IMPOSSIBLE to slide with any level of skill or grace.)

A rather epic failure of sexy, my loves.

Anyway,

Thankfully, he appeared to find failed sexiness appealing, and extended - post ski/board/poles/dignity disentanglement - an offer of an apres-slopes glass of vino.

Well I simply had no choice but to accept (and to marvel momentarily at my own fabulousness for still managing to pull him despite nearly breaking him 'neath the weight of my snowboard Wooden Plank of Death) - particularly as he stuck with me through my next three runs, at the end of which, I actually looked less like an utter and complete ass on the mountain.

This was quite the accomplishment, I assure you.

In actual fact, to NOT reward his chivalry, patience and EXCRUCIATINGLY well-formed upper thighs would have been wrong on a number of levels.

So reward I did.

For the next twelve hours.

**applause**

By the time we got back down the mountain for my last run, he had already ordered the champagne and room service, and I don’t think we spoke until well into the wee hours of Thursday.

Delightful.

The whole experience was only mildly dampened by the layers upon layers of bruising on my knees, thighs, hips rib cage and elbows – most of which I’m fairly certain we added to in that chalet.

He was terribly athletic.

Thankfully, by the time I bid Austria (and Johann) a fond 'lebewohl' (that's 'adios' in German), I was actually starting to show some promise on the snowboard Frozen Mountain Torture Device. So, all things considered, a week well spent.

I dare say I may even be persuaded to take another ski break at some point in the future.

Depending on the quality of ski instructor available.

Naturally.