Issues, my lovelies. Issues.
As you're undoubtedly aware, I pride myself on being something of an emotion-free zone.
Those three little words that 'every woman' dreams of hearing?
Not interested.
Long, lingering gazes?
Staring freaks me out.
Handheld strolls along the seafront?
Clearly you've not seen my shoes. And...your hand is sweaty. Bugger off.
Which is why I find it immensely irritating that, despite visits from 3 of the remaining 4 Harem members, copious amounts of alcohol, several joints and a particularly sweaty evening at the salsa club with a yummy South American,
I am still not myself, following recent events with The Spaniard.
Is it pure disbelief that he would behave in such a way, considering how FUCKING AMAZING I am? Am I just unaccustomed to things not going exactly as I want them to go and, as such, I can't shake the feeling that 'something's just not right'?
Or is it worse?
Do I fancy more than just his gravely voice and sexual prowess? Are there...((she whispers, for fear speaking the words may make them true))... emotions involved?
I can't even think of it.
Even The Replacement Spaniard (who, incidentally, sent me a photograph two days ago and is more beautiful than I remember by some distance) - who has already asked me to join him for a long weekend in Mallorca - holds little interest.
(Although... post aforementioned photograph, I'm considering it.)
This. THIS is why I avoid relationships like the fucking plague. Not only are they dull, confining and generally lacking in interesting sex of any kind, but when they go wrong, your whole bloody world just doesn't quite fit anymore.
My confidence is shaken, my fearlessness is waning. My hair just won't go right.
And my hair ALWAYS goes right.
Honestly, how do you people DO it??
I can't drink, dance, smoke or fuck enough to get the bloody Spanish tosser off my mind and believe me - when pressed, I can do all of the above with a ferocity few can fathom.
Is there like, a cream that you can apply? A little black pill to pop?
A sledgehammer, perhaps?
The other night, The Russian came by with a bottle of vodka, two silk scarfs and a home made pavlova (the eating of which he proposed in the most delightful way) and I?
could only manage a few 'bites'.
HELP.
32 of your inappropriate thoughts.:
You say you are in withdrawal ?! - Writing a blog post is not what you do -in withdrawl -, no matter how shitty you may feel, somewhat of a hangover maybe.
Withdrawal is an agonizing, terrifying monster - "use, or else...". Then the game begins and you always lose.
Yeah, this always sucks. Chin up though, things can turn around fast.
Great post! Great Blog! I know what you mean regarding unnecessary intimacy. I'm still recovering from the imposition of a large family Xmas full of obligation, not to mention hugs, kisses and the forced smiles, praise and thanks when opening gifts in front of those who have presented them. I hate it!
Check your gifts at the door please!
By the way - huge fan of Javier Bardem! I love Almodovar and have come across him a few times... Very fit!
Drew
Focus, woman! Men are lovely - when you're using them for sex - which you aren't using the Spaniard for anymore, so he's inconsequential!
Or something. I'm perhaps not the best advice-giver in this situaiton, as my friends used to laugh at me because I kept turning perfectly good meaningless flings into, ew, RELATIONSHIPS.
I'm still looking for that cream or pill that's supposed to fix those pesky emotions when it comes to *shudders* relationships.
I love the way you write. You couldn't have described it any better.
Indeed, if you find the cream or pill, let us all know immediately!
My dear it seems that you have been sucked in. My only advise is sit down with a bottle of whatever you choose, have a good cry and get over it. Poof closure and you can then begin to open the door to those delightful new men in your life.
Good luck
Cold Stone Creamery. It's a pill, it's a cream, it's an instant self gratification and it's legal.
ツ my cyber house rules
Frankly, I think that your personality being of a more Dominant nature, I surmise that things did NOT end on what you would say were either your terms or even on equal terms. This would perhaps be a very difficult pill for you to swallow.
As for regular, same partner orgasms....if sex gets boring, it's because the person is boring. I have had the same toy for a very long time and the same husband for 13 yrs, and I get off anytime I want to.
B Darling,
Can you get along without the Spaniard? Can you live and breath and drink and fuck and have non-stop brilliant hair days and exist without him? Yes, of course you can.
But do you want to? Will all of it be worth anything without him?
Are you aware of anything going on that would cause him to fuck up so much lately? Is he really fucking up or is he not living up to your expectation because they've changed, even though you're not consciously aware of it?
And is he even aware you've revoked his Harem membership?
Please advise.
*muah*
SMH
Hey! Relationship sex is NOT boring! I and my boyfriend of 5 years work very hard to keep it from being just that. Though, if I was blessed enough to live in Europe and have a harem of my own, I might sing a totally different, slightly off color tune. I must work hard to either convince the 5 year beau that a harem of my own is just what the sex doctor ordered or...well there isn't really another option is there?
As for that cream/pill - I'll retreat to my secret laboratory and let you know what I find!
I guess you just need a good slap right to the face by yourself. Take a good bottle of wine (maybe two) and an afternoon off. Then think about your self perception, self image and go through all of your history with the Spaniard. Is it really him or was it some (in your sense of that) romantic image about wonderful holidays in Spain?
If necessary pity yourself a bit, maybe cry, add a bottle of vodka to the mix and drink yourself near coma.
The next day you should be over it, and be it just because you're disgusted of yourself the day before.
I don't quite understand... the only feelings I get are: drunk, horny, obnoxious, tired, hung-over, and nausea; usually in that order.
The Spaniard failed to live up to expectations. So to be honest you aren't even emotionally attached to HIM, you're attached to the idea of HIM. Realize that it was just a perception of him that had you hooked and you'll be alright. No narcotics necessary.
I agree with Hero. You had been building up this expectation for several weeks; of course it's a shock when reality did not live up to it! You are human, after all. I'm sure that someone as self-assured as yourself would be reeling from the sharp turn. Allow yourself to be a little shaken then take up your crop, dear Barreness. You are sexy, confident, dominating and deserving! This is a speed bump, not a road block.
You my dear are fucked and not in the good way...
Good luck with that
Alas your Barronessship.... if thats a word.... I think some how there isn't a cream or a pill. I hope that you can get this guy of your mind. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep thinking how freaking awesome you are, because you are.
(You also write in an AWESOME way! you never fail to catch my attention and you fill me full of confidence. Thankyou)
Abbly x
Well, I know you may beg to differ, but, I don't really think as human beings that we can ever be physically intimate without allowing at least a part of ourselves to engage on a mental/emotional and/or spiritual level. I feel like that's just how we are made. So, I would imagine that if something that was working really well for you ended poorly and before it's time, you are entitled to feel a bit "off" for a bit. It doesn't sound like you want to, but I say allow it. Allow yourself to be "off" and just go with it...sounds like you have plenty of tricks in your bag, you're well equipped to get right back to where you want soon enough.
You will get over it when the next gravely voiced sex God reveals himself to you.
As for relationships, they are comfortable and you can always cheat when it gets boring.
What Rebecca said. (Well said there!!!)
I am sorry that you are going through this. I COULD say something about romance blah blah blah, but I will be 100% honest with you... Let me send you something about what happens to a "stable" relationship to scare you straight, eh I am astray...
Reach Consumers in Real-Time
Hey, I'm just like you. The only reason I'm in a relationship at all, or alive for that matter, is that I completely lucked out and found somebody who knows what I'm good for. I can't give you any advice except be stupid-lucky. What is intimacy? It's treating you the way you need to be treated. I hope you get what you need, B!
After dipping my toe (of late) into the "sea of emotions" that relationships have to offer - I have to say that I am jumping right back out again.
I am a woman who married her best friend all those years ago because I can't stand intense emotional shite. My bad, I know, I learned the hard way - we divorced - that wasn't the answer either.
Going back to being in un-relationships always has the risk factor. I just hooked up with a guy, only to find myself unexpectedly falling hook, line and sinker - it didn't end on my terms either - so I'm not a happy bunny.
I wish there were a magic pill or cream for those little fuck ups.
However, I found that keeping in mind I don't want a relationship anyway has helped. Even the ultimate prince charming becomes annoying and boring eventually. Keep your memories, get shitfaced and cry a lot. Get it out of your system and then go out and look gorgeous.
p.s. if you find the pill/cream - give me a shout
The only cure i can think of is tons of chocolate and nice bottle of wine. My girls and i always turn to this comfort when we get down. Relationships i have found are fun for about a week then everything goes downhill. Maybe it's because i have a short attention span when it comes to men. Just go out party and forget about the guy, he's probably not even worth your wonderful thoughts.
NICE BLOG
Follow my blog:
http://questoesdefutebol.blogspot.com/
I actually do have a cream for that, and I would love to share it with you, but I think you're going to have to face the facts: you're human. Humans have emotions whether they fight them or not. I know, I was shocked, too when I realized that I couldn't pretend not to care my whole life.
You're strong and even if it is painful, you'll pull through.
a bitch called mom
the well fed spirit
Hey Everyone please check out my blog I just created blasticbella.blogspot.com
Oh honey. Say it ain't so!
Take it easy and I think I agree with Possibly Normal on this one. Drink it in and cry it out! Those Spaniards are like cancer, spreading slowly and silently. Trust me, I know.
Sending love your way.
I think the cream is called Hot Fudge Sauce and is applied liberally anywhere you like, preferably off the body of a hot male, but just squeezed straight from the tube down your throat can be equally, satisfyingly effective!
Flings have their perks, but did you ever think of the perks of a relationship? Especially with someone who actually loves you? True love is unconditional, so no matter how crappy you look, or how bad your PMS is, they'll still be there. You don't have to run away from them. Just thought I'd put that out there.
Maybe 4/5th your harem have only ever been red herrings for a perfectly functioning set of Emotional Circuits? At least there's fun in being surprised by yourself once in a while. *hugs*
Nice read. All your posts, interesting. Writing is original. keep it up. check my blog for a read when you're bored. see if you fancy it.
http://talesofvanity.blogspot.com
Post a Comment