Quick with a compliment or proclamation of undying emotion (however hard I try to beat it out of him). Happy to run baths, massage shoulders and make morning coffee. Cappuccino - one heaping spoon of sugar. He never forgets.
- A little naive, perhaps.
"But why can't socialism work, B? All of mankind coming together for the greater good of one's fellow man? It's the perfect solution, if you ask me."
"Because, Sweet Kid, socialism is an arguably perfect idea which must be carried out by an unarguably imperfect race. Man is greedy, self-absorbed and genetically designed to seek out his own best solution. It's who we are and one of the reasons we've survived as a species. Capitalism - with all its many faults and troublesom shortcomings - is the reason we're as wealthy as we are today.
It affords us the ability to care about the plight of others."
- He's beautiful, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
He radiates the thoughtful whimsy of a poet; his unassuming demeanor betrayed only by the sharp intelligence of light green eyes. Tall and lanky, his dark, tousled hair is always slightly too long, but less for the sake of fashion than because his head is so far in the clouds that he simply forgets to trim it. He always smells of soap.
- He's gaining confidence as a lover. This cannot be denied.
When we first were together he fumbled and groped, totally unaware of the requisite nuance and subtlety of the sexual experience. But he listened. He learned. Occasionally he followed instruction. And now the lessons have shortened, as their necessity has lessened. And the morning's goodbye kiss grows more bittersweet with each evening's passion.
- Unfortunately, he's also a f*cking idiot. Fact.
"Did you used to go to concerts back when you were young, B?"
"Wow, B, I've just counted, like, 15 of your gray hairs!"
"I don't mind that you're 35, B, honest. I think you look really young for your age."
I'm thirty f*cking one, you embryonic simpleton.
But I do love the audition process.
28 of your inappropriate thoughts.:
there's something to be said for a man or woman who can stimulate your mind as well as.... well, other things. or who can at least stimulate multiple parts of your mind.
also, if anyone had ever said anything like 'wow, i've just counted your grey hairs!' i would not only be sure to kick them out of my bed (if that's where they happened to be) but i would be forced to do something drastic, like kill them. tactless statements like that get me all stabby.
http://justanotherwastedday.blogspot.com
Um, yeah the gray hairs thing....that definitely disqualifies him.
Wow... if my boyfriend started counting my grey hairs, I would find things on him to count... and twist painfully...
Guys like this are so funny. They need a walk around London or Bangkok with someone of a less devotional nature. Your first paragraph made him sound like a lolloping, eager to please, dog. There is nothing wrong with going that extra mile to please your lover and I certainly have nothing in common with the pick up artist community but come on, Kathy wouldn't have gone all psycho over Heathcliffe if he had brought her flowers all the time and never failed to make her a nice cup of tea. Still he was only a kid and he has probably just learned an important lesson provided he isn't too dumb to work it out.
Look out London, new spot in the Harem!
I agree with most readers that the gray hairs thing is absolutely ridiculous/horrifying, but I can't get over the concert thing. "When you were young?" Really? Really?!?
And are we just supposed to hit a magical age and not be able to enjoy certain activities anymore? We can only regale youngsters with "back in my day" tales?
Ri-diculous.
Remind that clown that the Prime Minister, the President, and the Queen you were born under are all still alive. You are far more gracious than most. And irresistible.
I thought I had you in my Google Reader subscriptions. Well, you're there, now. Sorry I've been absent.
I'd say send him my way (you have already trained him after all and I have no grey hairs for him to identify) but dumbness is an anti-aphrodasaic. Plus I tend to wap (lightly) over-eager puppy dogs in the head with a newspaper.
Curious to see what the replacement will be like ;)
I had a boyfriend that was so stupid I used to warn my friends..."Eventually he will talk." Sounds like this guy could be his twin. Then I had this other boyfriend that decided to drop a "I want to have babies with you" bomb on me while out to dinner. I proceeded to full-on flip out (complete with flapping arms and yelling "WHOA! WHAT?!? NOOOOOOO!") in public. Apparently he was quite embarrassed. We had only been seeing each other a month, so he was also obviously quite ridiculous (but the MOST phenomenal lover EVER, so I kept him around a little longer). ;)
I adore you. Truly. I think I have a girl crush on you.
bwahaha - the audition process! that's very benevolent of you to give him so much coaching through the process. ; )
the real loss is here is that the only woman who would be able to tolerate his dumb-as-a-stump routine will probably be a twit herself, and probably won't even be able recognize the mad skillz he has learned.
BWAHAHAHA....what a fucking idiot! There are always merits to the "HBD" (hot but dumb) guy, but they are usually shortlived because they ALWAYS forget to keep their mouth shut, sit there, and just look pretty! :)
I think you should kick him to the curb simply for calling you 35...and "teach" him something really fake and fucked up as your last "lesson" for how to treat women in bed. :)
Oh, B. You are too brilliant for your own good. And clearly, this dark tousled-too-long-hair sweetheart is just right for your beautiful bitter self. Indulge, my dear ;)
Did you use to go to concerts? What are you 357 years old. What an idiot. Once you get to that point of no return, it's hard to look at people's redeeming qualities. No matter how gorgeous. Enjoy the hopefuls! :) *evil laugh*
Two words. Ball. Gag. ;)
Awwww. But you need some naiveté in your life to remind you of the youthful joy of being ignorant. Just use him for sex I say!
(I had to remove the first version because I typed "JOG" for "JOY"...)
i find the less a man speaks, the more i'm able to like him. maybe it's just me.
ps- you're wonderful. :)
I Laughed out loud. Amazing.
To be honest though this kid sounds like a champion!
And if he's as intelligent as those light green eyes made him seem couldn't it be possible that he was baiting you?
Hook, line and sinker.
I've got to say it's nice to see a chink in your armor Barreness. Just remember though: it's only the old who underestimate the young.
One of your funniest. Yes, why can't a man be both physically AND mentally outstanding? Hmm? 31 is young. VERY young. A baby, in fact. What an ass. Note to men: just. keep. your mouth. shut. It's quite simple.
yes he is an idiot!! and i love tiffany's comment men should be seen and not heard!
This made me laugh so hard I nearly vomited.
I think we all know men like this...
Ah yes, the ones we label "Shhh.. don't speak".
OH...AND I gave you an award! LOVE YOU!
http://carriebradshawisfullofit.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-win-another-blog-award.html
Oh for god's sake...
I SO don't think so.
If 31 isn't luscious in all it's above-the-20's nonsense... then yes, he is indeed an idiot. A tasty one, perhaps, but an idiot all the same.
Forgive my non-responding slackness, but I have been MANIC at the office, wokring all weekend and (if you read my newest post) emotionally frazzled of late.
Also I had to get a pedicure.
I promise a return to dutiful responding henceforth.
- B x
31? 31 is not even a beautiful woman yet.
You're a kid, how can you say goodbye to a kid?
Oh, he couldn't have been worth it. There are just so many mature men out there coughbeneciodeltoro
coughjavierbardem
coughyougettheidea
Awwww. But you need some naiveté in your life to remind you of the youthful joy of being ignorant. Just use him for sex I say!
(I had to remove the first version because I typed "JOG" for "JOY"...)
Oh, B. You are too brilliant for your own good. And clearly, this dark tousled-too-long-hair sweetheart is just right for your beautiful bitter self. Indulge, my dear ;)
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